The Words given by My Dad Which Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader inability to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - spending a short trip overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."